It’s been a hard week. On Monday I underwent my third chemotherapy treatment and am now halfway through the scheduled chemo treatments (after six they’ll repeat all the tests and possibly switch to radiation therapy).
I only made it to work two days this week and both of those days I went home a few hours early. Food is no longer appetizing which makes it hard to eat at all. Taking a shower and walking up and down the stairs have become strenuous activities. And my temperature has been about 100 degrees all week.
I’m debating disability leave. Last week, my doctor and the nurses were all shocked that I was still working and I didn’t understand why. This week, I understand.
On the California state disability plan, I’d continue to receive about two-thirds of my current income. My job and thus my ability to continue to get health insurance would also be preserved (and I’m fairly confident that no one else would be as good at my job as I am so they’d want me back anyway).
I expect to be undergoing treatment for a minimum of two more months and the side effects will be getting worse with each treatment. So I’d be away from work for at least two months and I’m expecting to need at least a bit of time to recover after the treatments are complete, I won’t be instantly back to perfect health.
For the past several years, I’ve been building my emergency fund by $100 with each paycheck so it’s quite a sizable amount now and I wouldn’t have to worry about the loss of one-third of my income for a couple months when it comes time to pay my bills. I’m also eating less, driving less, and not supposed to go to stores at busy times thus shopping less so I could easily cut quite a bit out of my budget.
I do worry about it affecting my long-term financial goals, that’s one-third of my income each month that I’m not saving towards buying a house some day. I also worry about the small company that I work for where I’m the only person that does my job, how would my work get done? But then again, the point of being on disability leave would be so that I don’t have to worry about work while I also have the cancer and side effects to be worrying about.
On one hand I feel like if I have this perfectly acceptable reason to take time off work I should take it and on the other hand I feel guilty about wanting to be away from work.
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{ 12 comments }
Take the time off. As a coworker of someone who went through chemo recently, just take the time off you need. A couple months isn’t that long in the scheme of things. If you’re anything like my coworker, forgetfulness is also a side effect and you might not be as helpful right now as you think you might be (no offense!). You’ll probably feel better faster if you’re not stretching yourself to your limits too.
I think the line from Princess Bride says it best: Take care of yourself. “If you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.”
At some point it’s going to be harder for you to rest well and maintain, and stretching your reserves trying to work while undergoing chemotherapy can’t possibly be helpful.
I say take the time off. You need it, your body needs it.
Your health is more important than your job right now. It’s admirable that you don’t want to leave them in a bind but perhaps they can get a temp while you are unavailable to them.
Hope you feel better.
In my opinion, getting well and resting is the job for you at the moment. Be good to yourself and heal. No amount of money, or time can give you will make up for a healthy and rested wife and mommy. You do to much! I like everyone else is praying for you and your loved ones and either way I’m confident you’ll make the right decision. So (internet) “Nana & Momma”
thinks.
Blessings are sprinkling upon you, dear one.
Elise
I say take the time off. However, if you really feel like you can’t what if you only worked a couple days a week or could you work from home? Maybe always plan to take a full week off the week you have chemo to rest and then head back.
It’s a tough call. Getting exhausted won’t help your health though. Perhaps part of the reason you want to stay working is so you don’t focus on being sick? If that’s the case I totally understand and do what you need to do to keep your mind strong. That’s half the battle. Never give up!
I agree with the above comments; there’s nothing to feel guilty about for taking time off to focus on getting better. If you don’t take time off work to get treated for cancer, what would you ever take time off for?
It’s likely your employer can find a temp – you could even train them a bit before you took time off – to make sure your work gets done in the meantime. I’m sure your employer would rather you get healthy instead of dragging yourself to work when you feel like crap (for both nice compassionate reasons, and the business reason that the quality of your work might suffer for it).
I also think that in this case, saving for a house can take a back seat for a couple months. It’s an important goal, but it’s not your only goal right now.
Girl! Focus on getting well and looking after yourself! I totally agree with the comment above about training a temp — my employer uses temps for set amounts of time each year, and it works out fine. I’m fuzzy on what you do exactly, but is there any way you could consider working from home a bit, or just sort of supervising a new temp from home if they have questions or problems etc?
I know you want to keep life as normal as possible right now, but you also need to do everything possible to facilitate your quicker recovery. Dragging yourself to work each day and wearing yourself out is not going to do that unfortunately. And guilt will just release all kinds of unhelpful chemicals in your brain, so none of that either.
*hugs!*
Stay home. Build up your strength. The best thing your body can do is get rest and heal itself. Hang in there. Love and prayers.
It’s time to knock off. This is why you built your emergency fund: for an emergency! All the rest of it will take care of itself down the line.
Can you do anything for the company on a telecommute basis? Possibly they would let you take disability but do a little work for them, when you’re feeling up for it, on a contract basis? (I don’t know how disability works, but it it’s allowed…?) There may be some times when you feel OK, and keeping your hand in not only might help keep your morale up but would also remind the boss that you’re expecting to come back.
Carrie,
This is the first I’ve read that you’re fighting cancer…I’m so sorry! I cannot believe that you’re remaining so active with your blogging and on Twitter #savvyblogging. I’ll certainly include you in my prayers coming up – keep us updated on your progress toward good health!
God bless, Katie
I am just reading this now and I think that you did decide to go on disability and I am so happy that you made that decision. My mom went through a very intensive treatment for almost a year for her hepatitis c that was just as devastating to her body as what you are going through. I was with her every step of the way and it is very important you give your body and mind the time it needs to process and heal. I am so proud that you did plan for the rainy day and can give yourself this time off financially. My prayers are with you and if there is anything I can do, please let me know.
Sincerely,
Mamiv
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